really quick

We are at the tail end of our renovation right now and I feel like I constantly have a million things on my mind and a running laundry list on my phone of things to do. I feel like there are a lot of things I CAN do, but there are also a lot of things that are out of my control, and it turns out I am a bit of a control freak. I have been trying to do a lot of thought work in my own little noggin trying to let myself release the stress that comes from things out of my control, but it isn't easy and I often end up not being able to sleep because of all the thoughts running through my head. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and then once I finally did, William came in after having a nightmare at 3 AM and after snuggling for a bit he walked himself back into his room, but then I couldn't fall back so sleep...for the rest of the night. I have been dragging all day and it's already 10:30 PM and I should be going to bed right now, but Robert is at the house re-taping off the floors with painters tape because the painters taped them with masking tape, which will apparently pull off the stain. In any case, Robert may actually be even more of a head case than I am when it comes to all of this, but somehow when his head hits the pillow he just konks right out, lucky soul.

I feel incredibly grateful that we get to do this remodel and that we have found a home and a neighborhood that we truly love and feel so, so good about. Right now the house is seriously stressing me out, but at the same time, every time I'm there I feel completely certain that is where we are meant to be. I feel sad leaving our sweet little starter home. I love this place so much. But I am SO excited for more space. I want to let go of worry. I feel like I let fear and other emotions that don't serve me really take over my mind and it feels unnecessarily heavy sometimes. So right now I'm choosing to feel joy. I feel joy because we get to make this new house a home that we really love, and I also know that it is a gift to be able to do so. I also know that things that feel stressful at this very moment will one day be a distant memory, so rather than worry, I should let myself sleep and then get to work in the morning. Night has always been a bit of a trigger for me in the anxiety and worry department, especially at certain times in my life. I think that's the case for a lot of people. Instead of scrolling my phone I am going to read my scriptures, talk to Heavenly Father in prayer, and peacefully end my day waiting to hear what He has to tell me. I feel so peaceful after I read my scriptures and after sort of neglecting my personal scripture study lately, that peace that comes has felt so evident to me the last week or so that I've really made a concerted effort to read them. It feels so good.